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Evil Genius: Let There Be Noise

I do think this is a possible explanation….



Evil Genius: For years we have conspired to drive mankind (mostly man) crazy with our evil devices and inventions.

Mad Scientist: (repositions hump) Yessss, master!

Evil Genius: We have done well my apprentice but I want us to do more, more to annoy humanity! (evil laughter)

Mad Scientist: What more can we do my master? We’ve thought of everything.

EG: We can make our products even better, like 3M.

MS: Yes, the insidious 3M. Tell me more, my master.

EG: Example 1! The kitchen blender. We made it loud, so loud all thought is disrupted.

MS: Our evil patent for the blender also includes a series of buttons – different buttons that do the same thing – make noise! (wheezing laughter)

EG: Yes, and the people think there is a difference between blend, whip, and grate (evil laughter). There is only low – with excessive noise – high – with more excessive noise – and pulse – providing pulses of excessive noise!

MS: The three button blender was and always will be our first evil masterpiece – nearly perfect.

EG: But we made it perfect – we added more pointless buttons with terms that no one understands like frappe and mulch and double mulch!

MS: Adding a small microphone and speaker to project more noise was a stroke of divine intervention (sniveling)!

EG: And the microchip ensuring the blender would be used by females at times when their counterparts are at rest was inspired by whatever the opposite of God is – pure evil.

MS: Yessssss (giggling)

EG: We made evil, more evil! Example 2! The blender alone is responsible for over 13,000 domestic uncouplings. And we can do more.

MS: (shrinks back frightened) More? How master? It… cannot be done

EG: Forget not the vacuum my evil colleague (strikes MS)

MS: (sniveling) Ah yes my master. Another noise making device – scattering brainwaves and only marginally cleaning carpets! Suck up the debris here – deposit same debris over there. And also designed with belt drives which snap like a poorly stretched hamstrings.

EG: It is annoyance defined. And then the hair dryer?

MS: Another brilliantly evil invention my master of masters

EG: Could it be louder.

MS: It cannot. The elaborate design of the hair-dryer has the decibel output of a hand-held jet-plane at a frequency designed to make ears bleed and men cry for mercy. And brilliantly, when combined with malic acid in everyone’s morning coffee leads to thoughts of violence.

EG: It is a beautiful device. But there is more.

MS: (Emphatically) More? More?!?!

EG: Should anyone ever use a vacuum, a blender and hair dryer at the same time…..

MS: (Anxiously) YES?

EG: It would open a worm hole…

MS: (Even more anxiously) YES??

EG: Into a galaxy of demons, wraiths and soul-vipers as such as the world has never known – and we shall be their commander.

MS: It….it is glorious my master?!?! When will it happen.

EG: (stroking the hump of MS) When mankind makes the ultimate mistake – and it will be soon.

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