Raising a Very Moderated Heck

On August 27th I celebrated another 365 spin class around the sun. There’s more of me to love now than ever, literally. My life in Bend has been leisurely which has become apparent via my apparel and new appellation “Dad Bod”. The 36 waist pants are currently under as much strain as my squinting eyes. What’s not lost on me is the paradox of a waistline appearing better under subtle lighting and darker hues while my eyes prefer brighter illumination (and reading glasses, shut up). The last 365 days have featured the highest of highs and the lowest of lows.

I travelled the world, working overseas in Thailand (2023) and Philippines (2024) while flying around the world over two weeks this summer. I reached a new pinnacle in my career, truly a calling, and I love it so much. My newest book will launch in September and two new websites came to life as did a standup comedy career. I am proud of what I’ve created and the impact I’ve had, service matters to me.

Four years ago next month, I found a home I love in Bend, Oregon and my appreciation of this mountain town that isn’t a mountain town has grown since. I give to my community and take from this place as well, I think it’s a balanced relationship that has become richer and over time. My “special lady friend” shares my wanderlust and this lovely fellow traveler (not like that, you commies), partner and Associate (her pet name for me, how clinical) was what part of what I was seeking in Bend and which I have now found.

And the lowest of lows.

I only had two days of notice, and yet I was sure November 2, 2023 would be the worst day of my life. And November 2^nd lived up to expectations, sadly. On October 31^st, I learned my younger brother Steve had passed suddenly from a cardiac event at age 47. I had one day, November 1^st, to travel back to New Jersey. Arriving late at night – alone, confused and in shock. Then a day later, November 2^nd, I began to slowly greet my family as they trickled in throughout the day to commiserate, each arrival reopening a flood of tears and sorrow. I am still lost as there is no textbook for this. I thought we had another 30 years together yet even tomorrow is never guaranteed, let alone three decades.

Since Steve’s passing, I have never been closer to my family and Steve’s friends and never ever dreamed it would be because of this. This is faintest, shittiest and least satisfying silver lining on a dark cloud hanging over our family and his friends. There is no choice but to move forward and to do things differently with this new knowing, I’ve done thing differently, since his passing, I think.

Over the years I have amassed a weird collection of heroes: Bill Waterson the founder of Calvin and Hobbes, Martin Seligman a founder of positive psychology and James Doty who founded CCARE. Hell I’ll even throw in Nick Foles, Jason Kelce and Kirby Smart. In 2024, I added Tom Ryan to that list of heroes, and I’ll never ever forget all that Tom did for my family and Steve’s friends in a time when we so desperately needed something to bring us all together to celebrate, sing, dance (poorly) and cry in the most fitting fashion ever to honor my brother. 

At now here I am at the grand age of 52 with crow’s feet morphing to eagle’s claws and a hairline retreating faster than Sir Arthurs Knights facing an aerial assault from French Castle.

But I live a fulfilling life and purposeful life.

Don’t get me wrong, at 52 I still like to get rowdy, but the frivolities have become less “raising pure unadulterated hell” to more of “raising a very moderated heck while making sure to stay hydrated, avoiding sugary cocktails and stretching beforehand.”

I’m looking forward to this next spin around the world with curiosity and enthusiasm and I feel confident I will look back on this next year with pride, a feeling of deep connection, nostalgia and fulfillment. Maslow’s hierarchy wasn’t ever a pyramid in Maslow’s mind and not a ladder to be climbed sequentially. I feel in touch with the higher needs up the pyramid and I’m trying more to focus on others and less on self. I’ve been calling in equanimity and this quote has resonated deeply:

“If you want guarantees in life, then you don’t want a life. You want rehearsals for a script that’s already been written. Life by its nature cannot have guarantees, or its whole purpose is thwarted.”   – Neale Donald Walsch, “Conversations with God: Volume 1”

Onward.